I’ll start by clearing a couple things up – firstly, and sadly, the title doesn’t refer to a romantic relationship (how many of you have stopped reading now?). Secondly, this one probably isn’t that funny – and yes, I am comfortable to admit that I think some of my other posts are relatively humorous (how many of you have stopped reading now?). One, I’m relatively hungover at the time of finishing this, and two, having read it back circa 47 times, it almost teeters on something I’d have submitted for my A-Level in English. Dang, I have really digressed already.
All of the above doesn’t mean, however, that what I’m referring to hasn’t witnessed essentially what the other person in my hypothetical relationship would – see, it’s often the first thing I look at when I wake up, and the last thing I look at before I fall asleep (a charming representation of 21st Century life, eh. I may not be being funny, but I can still be sarcastic.) It’s often there for the majority of my good days, some of my bad days, has been privy to a few of my arguments, seen plenty of my drunken nights and my ugly hangovers that follow, witnessed my successes and my failures. It’s brought me new friendships and helped me to say goodbye to those that have run their course; it’s opened doors that would likely have otherwise remained closed. It induces the odd pinch of jealousy and, much like a toxic relationship, gets into my head. This title refers to a platform that leaves my emotions conflicted on a daily basis, and that is: social media.
Just sitting here typing, my thoughts vary. And by vary, I mean whirr. And by whirr, I mean my thoughts are like that curly-wurly plastic kids’ toy often found in a dentist waiting room – complicated, frustrating and a little bit broken. I’m not the first, and definitely won’t be the last, to write about the pros and cons of social media. For there are so bloody many and if I really started, I don’t think I’d stop. Ever. The power of social media fascinates me, like really fascinates me. And I think I’ve become a bit lost as to how to navigate such a power.
It’s not as black and white as this, and again, I could quite easily get carried away and provide my points with evidence and explanation, but I’ll keep it basic:
Social media is almost heroic in its way to unite, especially during the recent period of unknown, loss and boredom. On a global level, it can inspire, raise awareness, and provide a sense of community to those perhaps more comfortable in a virtual medium. (Perhaps, not always.) Social media is also villainous, though you don’t need me to tell you that. It can be a source of many of our anxieties and/or depressions; it’s full of lies – it’s not all lies, but a fair amount of it is – trolling, and a flurry of false reality and expectation. And by that, I’m not just referring to body image. That’s a topic for another time.
You see, I spent just under three months without my phone in Tanzania at the back end of 2019. Oh, and I was sober. Have I ever mentioned that? Haha. As someone who often questions their relationship with social media – mainly Instagram – it was the most tranquil three months of my life. Obviously. I relished in being uncontactable (okay, relatively uncontactable, because sure, if something serious were to have happened, I could have been speaking to my Mum on someone else’s phone in an instant). But that would have been all, just a phone call. Not recording my rice/beans/tomato/spinach lunch and uploading to my IG story. As lame and/or as obvious as it sounds, I truly lived in the moment. I think I was genuinely fully present (as long as I’d had a good night’s sleep), and I actually had to find ways to fill my time, rather than pulling out my phone for a scroll to pass a few minutes. I reread every book on my Kindle – twice – I learnt to play Poker, I wrote letters, and I have never participated in so many games of Uno. Or argued so much about the rules. Regardless, I have also never felt happier.
We all use social media in different ways – we all follow different people/pages for different reasons; some mainly use IG to follow people/things of interest, some mainly use it to follow friends/people they know (I’m more of the latter). Which is probably why I find myself constantly comparing my life to others’, though not not in a way of comparing my figure to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s – I’m a realist and I am most certainly never going to be 5″8 with legs that go up to HERE, or lips that look like a plump cushion. I have also eaten birthday cake every day for breakfast for the last week. Anyway… Put simply, when I see online that my friends are out and having a good time, I struggle if I am sat at home without plans. Even though it is perfectly normal to be sat at home without plans. Especially if those friends are in London and you are in Leicester. In a relative lockdown. We can’t be doing something all of the time. But we can be watching other people doing something all of the time. And I think that’s the problem.
I recognise this, so I often have an IG hiatus. Sometimes for a fortnight, a week, a few days – even if only for one day, I think I prefer the person I am when I’m not actively using it. I’m calmer, and I think I am happier. Of course, it’s lovely to see my friends enjoying themselves and I’m not here to justify that, but I do feel a sense of jealousy and sadness if I’m not there, or if my Friday isn’t as wild as theirs.
I get pretty far into my own head about a lot of things, especially as to how I am perceived. Not that you’d know, least not on face value – I’m pretty confident, relatively loud and will speak my opinion, rightly or wrongly. (Read, rightly.) But I’m always the person who wakes up the morning after the night before worrying about how I acted, what I had said, what my IG story contained… Or reciting a conversation – face to face or over text – ten times to decipher all of the different ways in which those words could have been perceived. It’s the same with social media – you can get a bit warped as to how people have viewed you after you posted something on your story or your grid. Did the sarcasm come across as sarcasm, or do I just seem like I’m atrociously big-headed? Do I actually look nice in that photo? Does that photo actually look like me?! Maybe it’s an ego thing, I don’t know.
But what I do know is this: we can get worried that we missed out on something because that 7 second video was captured at just the right time to make that nearly-empty bar look full of life and atmosphere, transforming that relatively average night out into the best thing that’s happened this month. We all know a few filters will turn that relatively average picture of the sunset into the eighth wonder of the world – sunsets, by the way, are always better just to look at and store in your actual memory, not your phone memory.
When was the last time you went on a night out or a trip away and didn’t think about what a great Insta post it was going to make – honestly? What are we even taking photos for anymore, if not to post onto IG? #diditevenhappenifitdidntenduponsocialmedia? Eugh, that feels messed up to type. It’s such a yo-yo; it’s all fun and games watching – in real-time – your friend’s long weekend in Prague unfold, or having a bit of a nose at Sarah’s newest Pandora ring from her latest boyfriend. It’s not so fun when you’re aimlessly scrolling into a pit of brags at 2am, in a slight state of despair.
These days, I find it hard to ever have peace. Like actual peace. Sure, I can take a piping hot half an hour bath full of all of the Epsom salt in the world, book in one hand, glass of wine in the other (naturally), my hair and face loaded with lotions and masks, but sure as hell I’ll be checking my phone afterwards, sat on my bed in my towel. Reading that back, I feel a bit stupid – have I really become that reliant on a piece of tech?
I love IG and Facebook for the memories and reflection; what’s not to love about ‘free’ storage (at least for now) accessible anytime and anywhere? Most of the hashtags on my Insta posts are there to remember funny things that were either said or happened relating to that picture/evening/weekend – it’s nice to look back on. And I enjoy being a part of an online community – in whatever way, shape or form that is – or at least I think I do. So I can’t just give it up. Can I?
And so, I remain incredibly split over my relationship with social media, and I think I’ll continue to be. It’s also arguably the most powerful marketing tool, and when you’re trying to market yourself, you can’t not have an account. I suppose I know what triggers me, what makes me feel good, and what makes me feel not so good. And I’m aware I’m overthinking this, just as much as I do everything else. And I’m aware I’m promoting this piece on my IG and Facebook, on my social media. Oh, the relative hypocrisy. What’s life without it, hey? I think I’m still trying to find my balance.
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